How to Receive Respect from Others

By Action Coach Dave Beam

Respect – think highly of; show concern for; show honor
It is another common question that I receive that prompts this article: “Dave, how do I get the respect of my __________. Employees, spouse, customers, vendors, even myself!

The short answer is to engage the law of reciprocity.

WIFLE - A Powerful, Simple Team Communication Tool

By Action Coach Dave Beam

Often when I am coaching a business, I meet individually with the key employees to get their perspective on how the business is doing and what we can all work on to make it better. By far, the number one issue that comes up is communication.

“We just need to get on the same page” is a familiar phrase, or “The right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing”. The fact is that the only way for people to know what is going on is to communicate. A more subtle but important fact is that it is NOT all about business. Your employees and managers are people, and they have feelings that they would like to express. If a team of people can learn to be more open and transparent with each other, they just work better together.

Positioning Your Customer - It’s What They Expect That Matters

By Action Coach Dave Beam

One of the first issues that I address with a new coaching client is customer communication. The fact is that every customer that buys from you comes to you with expectations concerning the service he is about to receive. Those expectations have been created based on many sources of information. His past experience with you is a major contributor to his expectation. If he has been referred, then his expectation is formed based on what he has been told. Your marketing and advertising also creates an expectation. If this customer has worked with your competitor, he will definitely have expectations based on that experience. The fact is, he enters your business with beliefs and an expected outcome.

Do You Have a Happy Business?

By Action Coach Dave Beam

I was referred to an oral surgeon a couple of years ago to address some issues beyond the scope of my regular dentist.  As with many people, going to doctors and dentists is not one of my favorite things to do.  As a business coach, I often observe business attitudes and practices as a part of my practical education.  I learn so much just by watching what others do.

The Identity Iceberg

Today I want to share one of the most powerful concepts in the Action Coach toolbox, the Identity Iceberg.  Understanding this concept will help you achieve the results you want from yourself and your team.

The Identity Iceberg…

(this is not the traditional flipchart, I had to format it for the newsletter –ed.)

                       R E S U L T S<-------------HAVE

                                   DO-------------->ACTIONS & DECISIONS

BEHAVIOUR

(water line)-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-(water line)

SKILLS

BELIEFS

VALUES

                                                                          IDENTITY<-----------BE

E N V I R O N M E N T

Take a look at the flipchart and note that it is a picture of an iceberg.  How much of an iceberg is above the water or visible?  Probably only around 10%.  That is the portion of the iceberg that you normally see.  What is it that is normally visible in a person?  It is their BEHAVIOR, ACTIONS, and DECISIONS – or what they DO.  What I DO produces RESULTS, or what I HAVE.  But if I want to produce a sustained, long term change in what I DO (my BEHAVIOR, ACTIONS, and DECISIONS), I really need to look below the surface at what produces and drives what I do.

One Big Problem With Your Business Is That You Expect Too Much From Your Employees

By Certified Action Coach Dave Beam

If you are a business owner or manager, I’m sure that title caught your attention.  You did read it correctly – what you expect of your employees is causing lots of problems in your business.  You may be thinking, “What kind of angle is this!!!  If anything, I don’t expect ENOUGH out of my employees.  In fact, some of them only scrape by on the bare minimum activity, and try their hardest to get out of even doing the bare minimum!”

The problem IS expectation.

A Key to Great Listening – Being Present

By Certified Action Coach Dave Beam

How many times have you thought “I just don’t understand him” or “Why does she do that?” or “They really just don’t make sense”.  Consider the essence of what you are thinking.  Up to this point in the communication, you have not really listened to that person.  Realize this. Good listening is not natural.  As a typical self-centered person, your focus in communication is you.  You want others to understand you.  You want to be heard and appreciated.  If they would just listen, you could help them get this situation resolved.  You really do have the answers, don’t you?  And you don’t understand why ______ won’t listen to you.

Myth: A Communication Buster

By Action Coach Dave Beam

In my ActionCOACH events, I ask the participants to agree to some simple rules to maximize their learning.  One of those rules is this: “To get the most learning, you must drop the “I KNOW”.  What I already know about anything prevents me from learning anything different or new about that subject.  To maximize your learning, you must become deeply curious and interested, and set aside all preconceived notions and learning from the past so that all filters are removed.  For most people, this is very uncomfortable and vulnerable.

“Accountability – The Peak of Relationship” - The Seven Levels – Part 6

The Seven Levels of Relationship – Part 6
By Action Coach Dave Beam

When you hear the word “accountability”, what comes to mind?  The majority of people don’t smile and embrace it.  If I am accountable, that means I am exposed.  My performance and results are available and known to others.  People are often reluctant to admit their shortcomings and need for improvement.  However, champions love feedback.  They like to know how they are doing and where they stand so they can get better. 

Accountability creates the opportunity for maximum results and amazing outcomes.  When a team member has the full feedback from all the other members on how to improve, that member is empowered to be the best they can be.  We really don’t see ourselves accurately, and when the measurement of our performance is available to others, we get a real understanding of how we are doing and how we can improve.

“Commitment – The Practice of Integrity” - The Seven Levels – Part 5

By Action Coach Dave Beam

Commitment; It is the very first of our fourteen core values espoused by Action Coach.  The term encompasses perseverance, integrity, and trust.  Once you have created a synergistic agreement, where both parties win, then commitment is the grit that creates the traction that gets the project started and more importantly keeps it going.  Commitment is an upper level of relationship.  It is the natural next step after agreement.  Managers and business owners often expect accountability without commitment, and team members are not committed because there is no true understanding and agreement.

“The Synergy of Creating Agreement” - The Seven Levels – Part 4

By Action Coach Dave Beam

If you’ve been following the series, we’ve laid the groundwork for creating some amazing outcomes.  Once you have debunked myth and dispelled expectations through rapport and empathetic understanding, you are ready to create some fantastic results.  Together Everyone Achieves More = TEAM.  Most people mentally assent to the team concept, but often fall short of the actual experience.  The key to team synergy is truly being together.  Win:Win agreements can only be created and sustained when there is full and deep understanding.  Significant and powerful agreements are built on a deep foundation of complete understanding.

“The Breakthrough of Understanding” - The Seven Levels – Part 3

By Action Coach Dave Beam

We are considering the seven levels of relationship.  In my coaching over the last seven years, I have discovered that most team problems arise from weak communication and shallow relationships.  This simple model illustrates the progressive upward shift in relationship moving from a low level of misunderstanding to a productive and rewarding level of connection based on shared understanding.  Today we consider the transformational level of Understanding.  Enjoy and take action!

ACCOUNTABILITY
COMMITMENT
AGREEMENT
UNDERSTANDING
RAPPORT
EXPECTATION
MYTH

The level of understanding is truly the breakthrough in communication.  Developing a level of rapport is prerequisite to understanding, for in rapport we let down the guard and let another person in.  To be the leader in building a great relationship and communication, you must choose to seek first to understand before being understood.  I learned this key habit of effectiveness from Steven Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.  The most essential tool for coming to an understanding is simply listening.

“The Comfort of Rapport” - The Seven Levels – Part 2

By Action Coach Dave Beam

We are considering the seven levels of relationship.  In my coaching over the last seven years, I have discovered that most team problems arise from weak communication and shallow relationships.  This simple model illustrates the progressive upward shift in relationship moving from a low level of misunderstanding to a productive and rewarding level of connection based on shared understanding.  Today we consider Level 3, Rapport.  Enjoy and take action!

ACCOUNTABILITY

COMMITMENT

AGREEMENT

UNDERSTANDING

RAPPORT

EXPECTATION

MYTH

Rapport is the bridge that provides an escape from the nightmare of myth and expectation and toward the land of understanding.  Rapport is defined as a “feeling of comfort and connectedness between people.”  I call it chemistry; that sense that we are connecting and beginning to understand each other.  Rapport develops as people lower their guard and begin to reveal themselves.  If you want to build great relationships, it is helpful to know how to accelerate this sense of relaxation and openness with others.

“The Nightmare of Myth and Expectation” - The Seven Levels - Part 1

By Action Coach Dave Beam

I have begun a series on the seven levels of relationship.  As I work with teams of people, most problems and challenges arise from a weak communication and shallow relationships.  This simple model illustrates the progressive upward shift in a relationship that can move it from an immature level of miscommunication and misunderstanding to a rich and productive level of connection based on shared understanding.  Over the next several newsletters, I will be giving out practical tools to help you produce a positive shift with your team.  Enjoy and take action!

 

ACCOUNTABILITY

COMMITMENT

AGREEMENT

UNDERSTANDING

RAPPORT

EXPECTATION

MYTH

Today I want to consider the two lower levels of relationship, myth and expectation.  When building strong relationships with others, it is good to recognize the enemies.  Relationships based on myth and expectations are fraught with difficulty.  The drama is generally high, and often moves from apathy and a low level tension to outbursts and emotional events. 

The Seven Levels of Relationship: Introduction

By Action Coach Dave Beam

Communication and relationships go hand-in-hand. As a business owner, manager, or leader of any organization, communicating well is all about building strong relationships with those you work with.  Today, I want to offer a model that illustrates the progressive growth of a strong relationship. It begins with a level of myth where there is little information and comfort, and ends with a high level of accountability and trust.  Each week we will examine each level a little more in depth, and then tie it all together. Once we have developed these seven levels, we will be better prepared to talk about how effective communication can help move your relationships forward. I don’t intend this to be esoteric or theoretical.  In fact, I use this model all the time to build results oriented teams.  In the coming weeks, I will be providing practical examples for each level, and show you how to progressively build strong relationships.  Enjoy the overview.  I welcome your feedback and comments via e-mail.

Communication - It’s the Response You Get

By Action Coach Dave Beam

As a business coach, I interview employees, managers, and business owners on a regular basis.  One of the questions that I ask is “What is Your Biggest Team Challenge?”  Most of the time, the answer that comes back is, “We need better communication”.

Apart from further investigation, that response has limited value.  What most people mean when they say they need better communication is that there are unresolved issues and disconnects within the organization that are causing an unproductive and unhappy place to work.  Further questioning often reveals a lack of trust that leads to limited accountability and a culture of blame.

Nice People Are Selfish

By Action Coach Dave Beam

Well, if you consider yourself a nice person, you may be a bit taken back by that title. In the context of this article, what do I mean by NICE?

Let me ask you a question. If you are a parent, have you always been NICE to your children? Most parents would admit that there are times their children would not consider them NICE. Good parents confront their children, and challenge them, and at times discipline them because they care about them. Even though the child may not like their parents at the time of the correction, good parents care more about their child’s welfare than they do about how that child feels about them in that moment.

Take Some Dance Lessons – Effective Delegation Part V

By Action Coach Dave Beam

I love this analogy because it captures so many principles of effective delegation.  To create effective results in relationships, start dancing and quit wrestling!

Many business owners and managers struggle and strain with delegation.  They have the mindset that to be effective, you have to overpower your employees and force them into submission.  It is literally a wrestling match and the starting bell rings at the beginning of each shift or day.  It is a contest of will and strategy.  Sometimes your “best” employee is the strongest, the most talented, and the most self willed.  You feel like if you let up for a moment, “they” will gain the advantage.  Or you just “give in” and let them “have their way”.

Enough is enough!  Who has the energy or the desire to run their business or department like a military camp?  There is a better and more effective way to manage, and it follows the analogy of dancing vs. wrestling.

Positive Accountability – Effective Delegation Part IV

By Action Coach Dave Beam

When you hear the word “accountability”, what comes to mind?  Does it produce a positive, upbeat, exciting feeling, or a negative, uncomfortable, unpleasant feeling?

When I first start coaching with a person, they almost always have negative emotions and ideas associated with accountability.  They carry bad memories of annual evaluations with supervisors or bosses that were disconnected or on a power trip.  They have visions of tense meetings ending in probation and employee discipline.  They certainly don’t seek out  “constructive criticism” and “performance feedback evaluation” with delight.

The System is the Solution – Effective Delegation Part III

By Action Coach Dave Beam

Wouldn’t it be great when you are ready to delegate a task if you had a machine that could fully transfer your thoughts and brain into another person’s head with a simple flip of the switch!  Well, as far as I know, that one is still science fiction.

One of the key tools for effective delegation is systems.  How is it that McDonalds can deliver a consistent product from thousands of stores worldwide using teenage workers?  It is because they have created a detailed documented system for every detail of operating a franchise store.  You can create a written, documented system for your business as well.