Mistakes and
Failures – They Can Be Great Friends If You Treat Them Right!
By Action Business Coach
Dave Beam
If I asked you right now
how you feel about making mistakes and failing, you would likely say not too
good! For certain, I don’t know too many people (actually none) that
intend to make mistakes and fail. However, truth be told, if you do anything
at all, and especially if you do anything that is new or uncomfortable, you
will make mistakes and at times “fail”. I define failure as falling short
of a desired result. A mistake is to be wrong, make an error, or
misunderstand.
So how can you make
mistakes and failures be your friends? First, quit demonizing them.
For sure when you were in school as a child, you NEVER wanted to make a
mistake. And the grade F represented you FAILING the test or the class.
An F on the report card was about the worst thing that could happen to a
child!!! Such a system of judgment and comparison tends to shut off
creativity and increase the tension. So if you are like most people I
talk to, you have some pretty negative stories and feelings around not getting
a desired outcome and being evaluated and judged a failure. It’s grammar
school all over again, and you are FAILING!! Oh how you wish for the A+ and
100% correct and to be right!!! This childhood story is what is eating
your lunch and robbing you of an exciting life of creativity, innovation, and
amazing outcomes.
If you will put mistakes
and failures in their proper place where they can serve you, they can be
excellent teachers that will enrich your life. Mistakes often create
failure. If you will drop your ego and admit your mistakes, you can learn
what needs to change and create a different result. Even the
disappointment (which is really optional) that accompanies failure can serve
you as well. Once a child touches a hot stove, he likely won’t do it again.
Pain can be a great teacher and friend that helps you avoid repeating
foolish and unwise choices.
Sometimes failure occurs
after initial progress. Shame and regret about your failure is just a
context that you add to what happened. Failure and mistakes cannot make
you depressed or despondent. Only your story, interpretation, and created
context of self-pity and devastation can cause such emotion. A failure
is simply a system of behavior that did not produce the desired outcome. Failures
are actually the stepping stones to success. To avoid failure is to avoid
the pathway that leads to reaching the desired outcome. Success actually
lives in the land of mistakes. The only failure that can’t be overcome is
the failure to persevere and push forward. Resignation and quitting are
the only permanent failures. Don’t stop. Don’t quit. Redefine
your failure as just another piece to the puzzle, some additional information,
and another learning that will help you discover a better way to do something by
showing you what does not work.
When a baby takes her
first step and stumbles, we never chide her for stumbling, but are excited and
celebrate her first step. If she was never allowed to stumble and fall,
she would never learn to walk.
If you get it, then
embrace and love your new friends, failure and mistake. If you treat them
like good servants and teachers, they will really help you achieve your
goals!
