Myth: A Communication Buster

By Action Coach Dave Beam

In my ActionCOACH events, I ask the participants to agree to some simple rules to maximize their learning.  One of those rules is this: “To get the most learning, you must drop the “I KNOW”.  What I already know about anything prevents me from learning anything different or new about that subject.  To maximize your learning, you must become deeply curious and interested, and set aside all preconceived notions and learning from the past so that all filters are removed.  For most people, this is very uncomfortable and vulnerable.

The fact is that all of us dwell in a comfortable hut constructed of familiarity, superstition, belief, knowledge, and past experience.  Personal growth and learning happens outside the hut.  Here’s how that works in building relationships.  If I believe I KNOW another person, then I have a perception and belief about who they are.  Such perception is always based on my interpretation of my past experience with that person as well as their reputation.  It can also include a certain amount of prejudice I might carry based on their affiliations, beliefs, socio-economics, education etc.  All of my current communication with that person is filtered through my beliefs and perceptions.  I mostly see and hear what I am expecting to see and hear.  What I expect is based on what I KNOW.  For sure, there is some factual information in there as well, but the reality is most of the relationship with that person is based on a myth – the beliefs and thoughts that I carry about that person.

Herein is a great opportunity to accelerate my communication and quality of relationships.  If I consciously drop my judgments, preconceived notions, ideas, and my story about them, and truly enter into a present moment with them and listen, then I can truly listen empathetically and really get to know them at a deeper level.  Out of a deep understanding grows the possibility of mutual cooperation and synergy.  To do this, you must be secure in your own values and self concept so that you won’t be threatened by truly accepting and listening deeply to another person – who is likely different than you!

The wonderful news for you today is this:  If you are willing to drop your beliefs, myths, and perception of others, you have an opportunity to really get to know them.  If they are willing to do the same, then through your mutual understanding of one another, you can come to clearly understood agreements to work together to create amazing outcomes.  I encourage you to drop the myths and experience true reality with others.  Sometimes a third person (like a coach) can help accelerate the communication by helping both people really listen and lower the filters.  I would appreciate the opportunity to help you and your team.