How to Receive Respect from Others

By Action Coach Dave Beam

Respect – think highly of; show concern for; show honor
It is another common question that I receive that prompts this article: “Dave, how do I get the respect of my __________. Employees, spouse, customers, vendors, even myself!

The short answer is to engage the law of reciprocity.

If you want to receive respect, give it. Respect is something that people choose to give or withhold. You cannot force or demand another person’s respect. You can coerce and manipulate behavioral change in others, but true respect comes from the heart. Though you can’t make another person respect you, you can choose who you want to respect or disrespect. Herein lies the key. This is how the principle works – respect others, from the heart, and they will respect you.

So how does this look in practical terms? Answer this question. When you feel respected, how are you being treated? For me, it is when others truly demonstrate an interest in my situation. They care. It is often expressed as giving me their undivided attention and ear. It is in the way that they listen; intently but with acceptance and openness with a sincere desire to understand my situation and point of view. I feel respected when they withhold judgment and criticism, and truly just want to understand where I am coming from.

How do you feel when someone respects you by truly listening? My guess is that you want to do the same toward them. In the words of Steven Covey, great leaders seek first to understand before being understood. Good leaders know that through full and open mutual understanding, great agreements can be created.

Many questions arise when you begin to shift your mind to this approach with other people. “Dave, if I freely give respect, won’t people take advantage of me? Don’t you think respect must be earned before it is given?” That is your choice. The leaders that I coach learn to initiate giving respect. They sow the seeds of relationship change. They reverse the downward spiral of rudeness, disrespect, apathy and resentment by giving respect before receiving it.

My coaching challenge for you is to sow some seeds of respect today in the way that you listen, and seek to understand, and accept others as they are. You will reap an interesting harvest. Happy Monday!