“The Comfort of Rapport” - The Seven Levels – Part 2

By Action Coach Dave Beam

We are considering the seven levels of relationship.  In my coaching over the last seven years, I have discovered that most team problems arise from weak communication and shallow relationships.  This simple model illustrates the progressive upward shift in relationship moving from a low level of misunderstanding to a productive and rewarding level of connection based on shared understanding.  Today we consider Level 3, Rapport.  Enjoy and take action!

ACCOUNTABILITY

COMMITMENT

AGREEMENT

UNDERSTANDING

RAPPORT

EXPECTATION

MYTH

Rapport is the bridge that provides an escape from the nightmare of myth and expectation and toward the land of understanding.  Rapport is defined as a “feeling of comfort and connectedness between people.”  I call it chemistry; that sense that we are connecting and beginning to understand each other.  Rapport develops as people lower their guard and begin to reveal themselves.  If you want to build great relationships, it is helpful to know how to accelerate this sense of relaxation and openness with others.

Rapport begins to develop when you demonstrate a sincere interest in the other person by listening and being open.  It flourishes when there is a comfortable, safe environment.  When are people most comfortable and relaxed?  It is when they are with people like themselves.  You can help create a familiar, comfortable environment by adapting your demeanor, gestures, voice inflection, intonation, and body language to be similar to your partner.  You also need to speak their language.  I’m not just referring to Spanish or English!  Use jargon and vocabulary that they understand.  You need to learn how to read the response and body language of your partner and adjust your pace, intensity and sophistication to match them and put them at ease. 

I encourage all of my coaching clients to get a basic understanding of communication tools such as DISC, neuro-linguistics, and basic body language and then learn how to use them.  If you want to develop a rapport with the variety of people, these tools and skills are invaluable.  Everyone filters communication, and you can learn how to overcome those barriers so that you can develop a rapport and then go deeper in your relationship with others.

When you are willing to adapt your communication style to accommodate other people, it sends a subtle message that you truly care.  It is an act of kindness, hospitality, service and deference to others.  Strong rapport lays the foundation for going to deeper levels of understanding that opens the possibility for extraordinary teamwork and outcomes.  The tools are available and these skills can be learned and are effective.  If you would like more information and a list of resources on how to build rapport with other people, give us a call.  Next week, we will look at going deeper to a level of empathetic understanding.