“The Nightmare of Myth and Expectation” - The Seven Levels - Part 1

By Action Coach Dave Beam

I have begun a series on the seven levels of relationship.  As I work with teams of people, most problems and challenges arise from a weak communication and shallow relationships.  This simple model illustrates the progressive upward shift in a relationship that can move it from an immature level of miscommunication and misunderstanding to a rich and productive level of connection based on shared understanding.  Over the next several newsletters, I will be giving out practical tools to help you produce a positive shift with your team.  Enjoy and take action!

 

ACCOUNTABILITY

COMMITMENT

AGREEMENT

UNDERSTANDING

RAPPORT

EXPECTATION

MYTH

Today I want to consider the two lower levels of relationship, myth and expectation.  When building strong relationships with others, it is good to recognize the enemies.  Relationships based on myth and expectations are fraught with difficulty.  The drama is generally high, and often moves from apathy and a low level tension to outbursts and emotional events. 

So what is a myth?  It is a fable, a story, created thoughts.  Myth is seldom based on any truth or facts.  Myth in relationships is fueled by gossip, stories, and emotion.  It is typically filled with judgment and criticism, or even idealism and unrealistic expectation.  Myth is the substance of fairy tales, enchantment, and frail hopes.  It is a dysfunctional hiding place for people that are fearful of the truth.  It is the land of victims – blame – excuse – and low or no results.  It’s what I think about another person, not based on understanding them, but rather based on my judgment and opinion (with little or no information).

The next level we must define is “expectation.” Expectation is the mental requirement that I place on other people.  It also dwells between my ears.  It is also the mental requirement that others have towards me.  Expectation and myth are closely related.  They both are all about what people think about, not what is communicated.  They are both sustained by opinions and judgments, not any mutual agreement or understanding.  I just expect you to do such and such.  I expect you to treat me this way or that.  I expect you to know what to do. (after all, it’s just common sense).

So practically, what does this look like in the workplace?  If you have a team filled with a low level of communication, then it is likely that myth and expectation will dominate.  Low morale, high drama, very low accountability and poor results is what will be evident.  High employee turnover, low productivity, and distraction from the work that must be done is the situation.  Think about it.  When I don’t trust the person that works beside me, or my employee, then I probably carry some negative emotion that drains my energy.  My thoughts are not focused on the work at hand and the customer, but on how someone else is not meeting my expectation.  Because of the emotionally charged atmosphere, I either clam up and don’t say what needs to be said, or when I can’t keep it in any longer, speak out of anger or frustration.  Is there a remedy?

Next week I am going to show you how to shift upward in your relationships from myth and expectation and start moving toward understanding.  The good news is that your team doesn’t need to stay in this state of affairs.  And if you want a business that has astonishing customer service and champion results, you must dispel myth and expectation by great communication.  More on that next week!