The Seven Levels of Relationship: Introduction

By Action Coach Dave Beam

Communication and relationships go hand-in-hand. As a business owner, manager, or leader of any organization, communicating well is all about building strong relationships with those you work with.  Today, I want to offer a model that illustrates the progressive growth of a strong relationship. It begins with a level of myth where there is little information and comfort, and ends with a high level of accountability and trust.  Each week we will examine each level a little more in depth, and then tie it all together. Once we have developed these seven levels, we will be better prepared to talk about how effective communication can help move your relationships forward. I don’t intend this to be esoteric or theoretical.  In fact, I use this model all the time to build results oriented teams.  In the coming weeks, I will be providing practical examples for each level, and show you how to progressively build strong relationships.  Enjoy the overview.  I welcome your feedback and comments via e-mail.

LEVEL 1 – Myth

Because you have never met this person or only had a brief encounter, what you think about this person is fable.  It is based on stories that others have told you, things that you have heard, or your private interpretation of what you have observed.

LEVEL 2 – Expectation

This is the first level of transactional relationship.  This person may be an employee, or extended family member, or even a person that you may be around every day.  Because you have a limited communication, much of the relationship is based in unexpressed expectations on both sides.  These expectations are rooted in beliefs, feelings, and judgments of each other.  You also carry quite a bit of the myth from Level 1 at this stage of the relationship.

LEVEL 3 – Rapport

At this level there is an initial chemistry and comfort that develops.  You both invest some time with each other and begin to experience some friendly communication and exchange.  Rapport is a necessary prerequisite to deeper levels of communication.  It generally has a good feel to it, but may lack substance.

LEVEL 4 – Understanding

This is truly a breakthrough level.  By dropping myth and expectation and listening empathetically with a goal to understand, we move beyond the surface and begin to develop a deeper appreciation for each other.  We strive to see things from their paradigm and perception, not just our own.

LEVEL 5 – Agreement

Once we have reached a true understanding of each other, we have the opportunity to create and define agreements for mutual benefit.  As we invest the emotional energy into the process, these agreements can transcend compromise and truly be a win for both parties.

LEVEL 6 – Commitment

This is the level of promise.  This is where both parties commit to specific action based on the agreement.

LEVEL 7 – Trust

This is a high level of relationship where each person welcomes accountability to insure the fulfillment of the commitments.  This is where the results really happen.  When you relating at a high level of trust, you increase your options and can adjust your agreements and commitments to leverage and maximize the outcomes.