By Certified Action Coach Dave Beam
All of us have successfully (or unsuccessfully) tried to rid ourselves of a bad habit. People often ask me why it is so difficult to change a bad habit. There are probably as many answers and theories to answer that question as there are bad habits! Often folks hide behind the story or excuse that “if I just knew why I did this, then I could quit”. Not true!
If you really want to ditch a bad habit, first of all, get real! Any change for most people is unwelcomed and uncomfortable. It is sad to say that many hold to familiarity and comfort as a primary value. You must first commit to change. You must choose new values to rule over the familiar and old feelings that have ruled the roost! It is essential to be honest. The fact is this habit is in your life because you are currently choosing to have it there. It is like an unwelcomed guest. Though you have reasons for wanting to see it go, there are other “reasons” (a comfort zone) that you make up to let this habit stay. It’s time for this freeloader to leave, and that starts with a decision and a commitment to change.
Second, recognize there are “reasons” that you have felt that you need this unwelcomed guest around, and therein lies a key to kicking him out the door! Ask yourself what you get from having this bad habit in your life? What do you feel you are going to give up if it is no longer there? What you need to clearly understand and affirm is that you will be happier and more satisfied without this habit, and that you are not really losing anything at all! This brings us to a key to change. Don’t just “RESIST” this habit and create a big hole in your life, but REPLACE it with something better!
I have found that an effective way of changing unwanted behavior is replacement. Let’s call it upgrading! You are going to choose to replace the unwanted behavior with something that is better! You are not “giving up” something, but actually gaining from the change. It is essential to identify something that you want more than what you currently have.
In conclusion, let me give one example. Let’s say I have a habit of drinking lots of caffeine, sugar laden sodas each and every day. First, I must recognize that this practice is not healthy, and that it is unacceptable for me to continue in this practice. I must honestly take responsibility for changing the situation. I must value my health and my wellbeing more than the feeling and pleasure that I derive from the soda. Second, I must identify that I have believed that this habit does something for me, and if I just resist it, I will feel like I am losing something. I might believe I will be “tired” without the caffeine, and that I will “feel drained”. I will miss the “energy” I get from the sugar. What must be done now is to choose a replacement. What will bring me the energy and feeling of well being? (Advil? –ed.) I will choose to replace the sugared sodas with water - lots of it. Also, I will choose some physical activities to do when I am feeling a bit drained that will help perk me up. When that desire for a soda appears, I will drink some water and take a walk! Or read something that makes me laugh and feel good. The point is, I won’t just resist a bad habit, I will replace it with something that will fill that “need” even better. It’s time to upgrade!
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