Nice People Are Selfish

By Action Coach Dave Beam

Well, if you consider yourself a nice person, you may be a bit taken back by that title. In the context of this article, what do I mean by NICE?

Let me ask you a question. If you are a parent, have you always been NICE to your children? Most parents would admit that there are times their children would not consider them NICE. Good parents confront their children, and challenge them, and at times discipline them because they care about them. Even though the child may not like their parents at the time of the correction, good parents care more about their child’s welfare than they do about how that child feels about them in that moment.

Nothing Inside Cares Enough 

If I care enough about others, I will speak the truth to help them improve.  At times the truth is painful.  However, if I care more about how they feel about me, then I will likely hold back or even avoid the confrontation.  If I do that, I am being selfish.  I need to choose to care enough about the other person to tell it like it is.

I coach business owners that are often far too NICE to their team. Perhaps they have a team member that is tardy. If the owner truly cares for that team member, and for the rest of the team, and for his customers, then he will set a clear rule of the game on tardiness and confront those who fall short.  With a listening ear, he will communicate openly with them to correct the behavior and create an agreement for responsible behavior in line with the rule.

If the owner chooses to avoid the issue, he sends a message to that employee and the team that rules don't matter and that he really does not care about high performance. If that becomes the overriding culture, the better team members will leave, under performers will get worse, and the business will suffer.

So NICE doesn't get it done. I'm not saying you have to be rude or mean.  I’m saying you must speak the truth in a clear and kind manner and address problems quickly and head on. So the next time you are avoiding confronting a slipping employee, remember that though you may use the excuse that you are just being NICE, in reality you are being selfish!